I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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