Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
