So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
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I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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