Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
