I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
