allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish there were birth control emojis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
