my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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