so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
