dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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