But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
