Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
