Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
