I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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