Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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