I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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