At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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