At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
