Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
