it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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