I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
