____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
nutella sex= disaster
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
