is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
