this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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