You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
