Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
