My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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