remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Be still, my beating vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
