I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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