When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
