She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
