one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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