Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize