she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
