Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
