...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
