Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
