We got so high we made milksteak
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
