i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
