i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
