i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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