i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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