Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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