Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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