If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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