Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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