New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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