thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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