Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
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Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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