I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
