Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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