I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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