I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
