just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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