I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
