Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
