Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
