3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
