His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
