watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
