remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
