a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
