Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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