i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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