ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
