Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
